While vacationing in George Town, Penang, my family stayed at Hotel Capri. And I liked it. The hotel was perfectly situated in a vibrant part of the city, the rooms were comfortable, and my family visited the pool more than a couple of times, which is parent-speak for, “I spent a significant portion of my vacation watching children repeatedly jump into water.” But what impressed me most about Hotel Capri wasn’t the hotel itself. It was how incredibly likable the staff was. And I soon became convinced that this wasn’t an accident. Being likable was part of the plan.

The Book That Explains Why Likability Matters

Towering over my desk at my Dallas Maids‘ office is a shelf of books including a large share of business and marketing books. One of my favorites is Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini. It’s considered one of the foundational books on persuasion and has influenced marketing, sales, negotiation, leadership, and behavioral psychology. In other words, it’s the kind of book that explains why you suddenly find yourself thinking, “You know what? I really DO need to book a cleaning with Dallas Maids today.” Powerful stuff.

The original book described six major principles of persuasion: Reciprocity, Commitment & Consistency, Social Proof, Liking, Authority, and Scarcity. Newer editions added a seventh: Unity. But this article is really about Liking, but the other principles are so useful that I want to give you the quick tour first. Understanding them helps you become more persuasive yourself, but perhaps more importantly, it helps you recognize when someone else is using them on you.

Humans don’t carefully analyze every decision we make. If we did, we’d never get anything done. Instead, our brains use mental shortcuts. Most of the time that’s useful. Sometimes it results in a Vietnamese silk salesman nearly psychologically maneuvering you into buying silk underwear. Yes, that happened. You can read about that adventure in my blog post entitle, How a Vietnamese Silk Shop Nearly Psychologied Me Into Buying Silk Boxers.

Reciprocity: There Is No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

Reciprocity means that when someone does something nice for us, we naturally feel an urge to return the favor. For instance, years ago, when Dallas Maids was still a young company, we messed up a customer’s cleaning. I don’t remember exactly what went wrong. This was a long time ago and fortunately my memory has graciously deleted some of my early entrepreneurial disasters. But I do remember that I desperately wanted to keep the customer. So I asked him if I could take him to lunch. I told him it was important for me to understand where we went wrong so we could make sure it didn’t happen again.

That was absolutely true. But I had also recently read Influence, and I knew that if I bought this gentleman lunch, there was a decent chance the power of reciprocity might encourage him to give Dallas Maids another chance. And it worked. He stayed. Apparently, there really is no such thing as a free lunch, especially when the guy buying lunch has been reading Cialdini.

Commitment & Consistency: Welcome to the Yes Ladder

People generally like to behave consistently with things they’ve already said or done. Salespeople understand this, which is why they sometimes put you on what’s called the “yes ladder.”

“Would you like a cleaner you can trust?” Yes.

“Would you like more free time?” Yes.

“Would you rather spend Saturday with your family than scrubbing toilets?” YES.

“Great. Would Tuesday or Wednesday work better for your first Dallas Maids cleaning?”

Wait a minute. How did we get here?

Small commitments make larger commitments easier.

Here’s another example. Ever finish a customer-service call and hear a recorded question like, “Were you satisfied with the service you received today? Press 1 for yes, and 2 for no” You innocently press 1 for yes. Maybe they genuinely want feedback, but you’ve also just reaffirmed, to yourself, that you like the company. Sneaky? A little. Effective? Absolutely.

Social Proof: Look! Other People Like Us!

Social proof is one of my personal favorites, possibly because we’ve earned quite a bit of it. Over the years Dallas Maids has accumulated a lot of awards. [Pauses article to pat self on back.] In fact, I have an entire pile of additional awards I still haven’t added to the website. At some point, I simply got tired of uploading them which, admittedly, is a pretty nice problem to have.

And if you scroll to the bottom of DallasMaids.com, you’ll also see our rating based on hundreds of customer reviews. Those reviews matter enormously because before trusting strangers to come into your home, you naturally want to know that, ok, a lot of other people trusted these people… and they lived to tell about it.

Five-star reviews, testimonials, recommendations, awards, and referrals all tell prospective customers the same thing: other people tried this company, they were happy, and you probably will be too. That’s social proof. And in the cleaning business, it is incredibly powerful.

Liking: We Prefer Doing Business With People We Like

Now we arrive at the star of today’s show: Liking.

People are more easily influenced by, and generally prefer doing business with, people they like. This seems painfully obvious when you say it out loud. After all, do you want to buy something from the cheerful, helpful person who remembers your name and genuinely seems happy to see you? Or from the person who looks at you as though your very existence has ruined their afternoon?

Exactly.

That’s one reason I’ve always cared about hiring people at Dallas Maids who have more than a good work ethic. They need a good heart. I want genuinely kind people who care about customers. You can teach cleaning techniques. You can teach systems. You can teach someone how to properly clean a shower door without leaving it looking like an abstract art project. But genuine kindness is much harder to teach. And customers notice it. Which brings me back to Hotel Capri…

Hotel Capri Apparently Has a Secret Smiling Department

From the moment my family arrived, we were treated like VIPs. The bellman immediately appeared to help with our luggage. Big smile. Friendly greeting. Helpful. Polite. Wonderful. Then we reached reception and encountered another incredibly charismatic employee with another enormous smile. At some point I started wondering whether smiling was a condition of employment.

Maybe the interview goes something like this:

“Do you have hospitality experience?”

“Yes.”

“Can you use our reservation system?”

“Yes.”

“Smile.”

😁

“Excellent. You’re hired.”

But after several days, I realized it went beyond smiling. The staff seemed genuinely eager to help, and they had turned hospitality into choreography. For example, going to breakfast was where things became almost comical. You entered the breakfast area. The hostess smiled and bowed. A server smiled and bowed. A manager made eye contact. Bow. Another employee walked past. Smile, bow. I started feeling like I’d accidentally been elected king of Penang.

You’d sit down with a plate of delicious food, and almost immediately someone would appear asking whether you’d like an omelet, eggs, coffee, or anything else. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there thinking, I have done absolutely nothing in my life to deserve this level of attention. Then you’d finish breakfast and leave. Surely the bows were over… Nope.

One last smile. One last bow. One last thank-you. They didn’t just provide breakfast. They made you feel special for having eaten it. And that’s the difference.

People Remember How You Make Them Feel

Throughout our stay, there always seemed to be someone nearby ready to help. And not merely someone required to help… someone who seemed genuinely happy to help. That distinction matters. I became convinced that likability was intentionally built into Hotel Capri’s training and culture. And for very good reason: people like people they like. Brilliant insight, I know. Please feel free to quote me.

If your customers genuinely like your staff, something interesting happens. They come back. They recommend you. They’re more loyal. And when you occasionally make a mistake, because every company eventually does, they’re more likely to forgive you and give you an opportunity to make things right. Hotel Capri accomplished exactly that with me.

If someone asks me where to stay in George Town, Penang, I’m going to remember that hotel immediately. Not because I memorized the thread count of the sheets. Not because I carefully measured the swimming pool. I’ll remember it because the people made my family feel welcomed.

That’s powerful marketing. And it doesn’t feel like marketing at all.

Then I Discovered the Thai Connection

Being the curious person I am, I eventually started looking into the company behind the hotel. And when I discovered a Thai connection behind the hospitality group, something clicked for me.

Anyone who has spent meaningful time in Thailand knows that hospitality there can be extraordinary. Thailand isn’t called the Land of Smiles for nothing. There is also a strong cultural emphasis on avoiding embarrassment and allowing others to “save face”, that is, being conscious of how your actions affect another person’s dignity. And I learned a memorable version of this lesson many years ago while backpacking around the world. Naturally, the lesson involved beer and a pool table.

The Greatest Pool Game I Ever Lost

One evening in Thailand, I ended up playing pool with a few Thai guys. One gentleman was exceptionally good, probably the best player there (other than myself). But I noticed something strange. Every third or fourth game, he lost. Then he started winning again. Then he’d lose another. Eventually I realized what he was doing. He was intentionally giving other people a chance to win. He wasn’t dominating everyone simply because he could. He was making sure everybody was having fun, allowing others to save face, and being considerate, even while playing pool. That stuck with me.

Now, I was pretty good at pool myself. Back at Baylor, betting a beer on a game of pool occasionally helped sustain what I will politely call my undergraduate beverage budget. We’ll leave that story there. But after watching this Thai gentleman, I decided to follow his example. When in Rome… or Bangkok… I started intentionally losing every third or fourth game too. The trick, of course, was losing without making it obvious that I was losing intentionally. And that led to perhaps the pool shot I’m most proud of in my entire life.

I was ahead. Way ahead. I had an easy shot on the eight ball. I knew it was time to bow out gracefully. So I put lower-right English on the cue ball and made the shot. The eight ball dropped perfectly. Then the spin pulled the cue ball backward and to the right…

…straight into the side pocket.

Scratch. I lost and lost beautifully. Nobody knew. At least I don’t think they knew. And to this day, one of the pool shots I’m proudest of is the one I intentionally used to lose a game. Thank you, Thailand.

What Does Any of This Have to Do With Cleaning Houses?

Quite a lot, actually. Being likable and hiring genuinely likable people has always been important to me. When you call us, I want you greeted by a cheerful person who actually wants to help. When one of our professional home cleaners enters your home, I don’t merely want someone who can clean exceptionally well. I want someone you’re comfortable having in your home. Someone trustworthy. Someone kind. Someone you can talk to. Someone you genuinely like seeing.

And thus, over time, many customers become incredibly fond of their cleaning professionals, they become part of the family, and that’s not surprising. This is a very personal service. After all, you’re giving someone access to your home, often your largest financial investment and certainly one of your most private spaces. Trust matters enormously, and likability helps build trust.

Even Doctors Benefit From Being Likable

Writing all of this, it reminds me of something a professor shared with the class when I was studying at Baylor. He shared the findings of a study on physicians and malpractice claims.

What stuck with me wasn’t simply whether a doctor made a mistake. It was how much the doctor’s relationship and communication with the patient mattered. Patients were less inclined to become adversarial toward physicians they felt cared about them, listened to them, and treated them with respect. Which makes intuitive sense.

Imagine two doctors make the same mistake. Doctor #1 listens, communicates, shows genuine concern, and has treated you with kindness for years. Doctor #2 walks into the room, barely looks up, and gives off the distinct impression that you’re inconveniencing him by being sick. Which doctor are you more likely to forgive? Exactly.

Being likable doesn’t excuse mistakes. It creates relationships strong enough to survive them. That’s important in medicine. It’s important in hotels. And it’s incredibly important in house cleaning.

Hire Good People. Then Let Them Be Good People.

I’ve learned over the years that some of our best employees share a common trait: they’re good-hearted people. And good-hearted people tend to be likable. They’re more patient, more considerate, more trustworthy, more willing to help, and they care when something goes wrong. Customers can sense that.

That’s why, at Dallas Maids, we’re not merely looking for someone who knows which end of the vacuum cleaner goes on the floor. We’re looking for people customers will feel comfortable welcoming into their homes because Cialdini was right: we prefer people we like.

Hotel Capri understands this beautifully. They didn’t simply give my family a nice room in Georgetown, Penang. Their staff made us feel genuinely welcomed. So, months or years from now, I’ll probably forget what floor our room was on. I’ll forget what I ate for breakfast. I’ll probably even forget how many times my daughters made me go to the pool. But I’ll remember those smiles. I’ll remember those bows. And most of all, I’ll remember how the staff made us feel.

If someone asks me where they should stay in George Town, I’ll remember Hotel Capri. That’s the power of being likable.

So, whether you’re running a hotel in Penang or sending professional cleaners into homes across Dallas, the lesson is remarkably simple: provide an excellent service, hire genuinely good people, and be nice while you’re doing it. Apparently, sometimes the most powerful marketing strategy in the world is simply not being a jerk. Who knew?